she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
