I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There r osticjed everywhere
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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