And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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