Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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