How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
