Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
