everyone is single if you try hard enough
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
