I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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