she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
