So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
