I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He? As in you personified your dick?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
