I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize