I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize