about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
