Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
