Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
