What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize