Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
