Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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