What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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