Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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