a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
