Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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