3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize