I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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