I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
