I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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