he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
