So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I love you.
Bad choice
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