wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
