under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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