Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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