this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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