Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
