I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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