nut hugger
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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