Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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