you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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