I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this boner is exhausting
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize