I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
