I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
