Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
