Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Randomize