Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
