Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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