He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize