drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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