i just wanna soil my oats bro
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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