He is an equal opportunity slut.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I touched a dick in church today
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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