That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
