Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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