thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
