i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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