I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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