addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
