he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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