Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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