Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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