Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
