these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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