you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Maybe he injected his testicle?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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