Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
