we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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