Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
