Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
