Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
