Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize