i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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